I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
