My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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