Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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