I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.