last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.