Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving