Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.