Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.