Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.