I wish I could teleport
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.