Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
