either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
