I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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