It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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