I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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