There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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