i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
