Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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