I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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