You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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