We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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