I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
