We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Send help, water and tortillas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
