how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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