Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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