the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
