I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize