And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
