I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
