Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
