Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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