She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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