The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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