Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
