I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
