You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
