she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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