Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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