Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
