Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I party with great urgency now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
