Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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