why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need a burrito and a hug.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
