I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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