i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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