It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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