i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
