I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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