True but thats because hes a fetus.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
