I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
