does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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