Your face is a jimmy john
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
