just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
