Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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