my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
