I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
