are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
