Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
