I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
