just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
