You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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