dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
