My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
