i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
