Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
