The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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