Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
