dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
