my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
