The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
