Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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