we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize