its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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