i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize