I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
