Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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