just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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