He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
