Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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