You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
