Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
