I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
